Suicide

Every day it gets worse. No one cares about me anymore. I have no one. No family. No friends. No home. No love. No food. No money. No diploma. No bed. No car. No goals. Nothing to make me happy.

I can't take this anymore. Drinking is the only thing helping me because it makes me not care that no one is their for me.

I really do believe this is the end for me. I can't smile anymore I can't laugh I can't think I can't support myself. I can't eat sleep or use the potty regularly.

I dont fit into this whole straight society. No one will hire me
and I'm scared of losing my job because of being gay. So why bother

Everyone I come into contact. Uses me and my niceness. Everyone I'm interested in and who I believed I was like them, always said they don't like the things I'm into. I tried for 5 years for Aaron to understand that I love the same music. In not just set in stone though. I love everything.

Days go by. It gets harder. I need someone to care. To hold me and kiss these thoughts out. But I doing have anyone except this blogger to talk to. Please world. Where us my place. Where do I belong? Will I last a week longer?

Im not sure if I will anymore

Alone

I am further then alone anymore. My significant other by now has probably been talking to jailbate again. I need him.

My life has zero worth anymore.

I might not make it another month. I really can't do this alone anymore.

Good bye

3/3/2011

I’m wondering, will you ever stop missing someone you love or someone who you really believe was your soulmate?


you would never get over the loss but would learn to live with it. a soulmate is someone you cant live without, they are in your heart and mind always. a soulmate is the other half of your essence and without them your are incomplete. love like that will last a life time and beyond


This life sucks! I really do miss him so much

3/1/2011

A new month.

Life is still hard. My heart hasn't been able to keep up with my life anymore. It still hasn't came back to me. I believe I left it in Modesto with Aaron. Well Things have been going along. I have seen so much of San Diego and there is always more to see. Never ending. This city is so big. It reminds me of San Jose and San Francisco mixed together. But some areas that people call the bad side of town I thought where cute and seamed just like modesto (home).


Yesterday we went to this crazy beach. Soll my new school (san diego city college) and also went to coranado. The most craziest freaking bridge in the entire world. I was so scared being on it. You have no idea. lol. Haha. Well today is yet another beautiful day to go out exploring. I guess we are going to explore more beaches today. Not sure but I am excited to get going now. Just sophia is getting ready and taking forever. lol



This was the beach picture I got out of yesterday. It was so pretty. Just got windy and cold after like 20 mins being there.





These panorama pictures got a lil messed up. I wasn't able to stich them completely perfectly together. The program said it was way to big to put these two pictures together to get a full view. BTW this is Coranado. When we got there someone put me on video camera to talk about the bridge and say why it shouldn't be dubbed kennedy after the past president. Which is weird, I just met coranado and they wanna change the name? How rude.


IMY ILY ARD