2 weeks left of summer

Lately life has been going so fast. To many things have been going on in my life and I haven't been able to keep a grip on anything. I thought I was happy. I can't tell anymore. I can just see myself being angry with everything around. I still just walk around helplessly. I thought that time would have healed my love and needs. I don't feel safe anymore. Isn't your boyfriend supposed to make you feel safe and not just hurt inside. I don't understand why people do this to me after awhile. I just want to be loved. Aaron made my life so amazing and made me feel safe. Now with my latest development of seeing something at 3am I haven't been the same. Jared hasn't made me feel safe. I get very scared about everything and he just gets so mad at me. I haven't slept since that night happened. I wish I was never left alone for a week. That week was the week I fucked up and did the stupid Ouija board. I knew I shouldn't have done it but I was so curious. Well, I didn't like what it said. It was horrible. I haven't been the same since it. I miss how Aaron made me feel safe no matter what. When I was scared he was my man that is the night and shinning armor to my nightmares. Jared just gets mad at me and literally got out of bed and was just going to leave me alone in the room while he went into the living room. Who the fuck does that kinda thing? As the days go by, I can feel myself not loving him anymore and just having the feeling of being stuck. I have no where to go, I have no family, I have no one that loves me. Sure I have family but it's only because I am related to them by blood. Family means loyalty and I don't have anyone of those that are loyal. I try to talk to people but I get blown off or just no answer. I feel as if I don't even exist. It hurts inside, so I just drink my problems away. Sure it works for the moment. Nothing actually fixes me but writing out all my shit on this site. This past week. I have felt very lonely. I don't know what to do about it. I am stressing out really hard. School starts in 2 weeks. I lost Financial Aid because I had no idea that W's counted against my grades. So this fall will probably be the last semester I am able to do since I paid for my books and the service fees with the last of my financial aid I got from summer school. I feel so ridiculous. Someone acting like this towards me really did make me just fall out of the tree. I know I am a bitch but fuck. When someone is scared, isn't it just right to hold your man all night and not care about anything else. To worry about him and just make sure he is fine and to caress him and make him know that you are here for him and that you are never going to leave and just keep him close and tight. Not hold me for a second, complain about it every second because you are far to hot to be near me and get pissy, to the point where you decide to just grab your pillow and blanket and completely walk away? This makes me hurt inside. I needed you. I needed you to be there for me. What do I do? I close my eyes and imagine that Aaron is right next to me. He made my life perfect. What the fuck am I doing. I hate myself. I just wish I could go back.