The new guy

I am laying in bed. Only slept like 4 hours. I can't get him out of ny head. This guys name is Mr.Romeo.  Omg like how much more better can that one get!?!?! Lol. Well I dunno what it is about this guy cause when I first met him I felt like I already loved and cared about this guy. My heart has those sparks again that I haven't felt since I was 16. The only problem is that I dunno where to start with him or what to do. Sounds silly right? Can't teach a old dog new tricks. Fuck!! Well the only problem is that he is way to good for me. He is everything I dreamed about and then some. He is a gorgeous man. I feel like I was in a relationship for so long that I dunno where to begin. I just get scared and then that turns into super omega bitchy Kenny. Lol. But this man is simply amazing. The funny thing is that I am a month older then him. This probably won't last long once he figures out who I am and that I have nothing to offer. I mean I wish my heart and a smile would be good enough. Probably not with this babe. I am even considering moving all the way to Alabama. Lmao. Did I really give up California or even Florida for Alabama!?!?! Am I that crazy. I mean this guy. When I soll him I felt like I loved him. I dream about him and he's always on my mind. This is crazy to be acting like this. I just can't decipher if its cause I think he is gorgeous. "love or lust" To me I would think in order to want to be with someone you have to want them in every aspect.

Oh Romeo oh Romeo. You stole my heart

So lost

As I sit here in Florida for the second time in my life within a month apart. I still can't think of anything else but my ex. I wish I could stop doing all of this but it still bothers me so much. I dunno how to let anyone into my heart cause it is so guarded. I was asked today if I ask all the things I ask was because I am the one who cheats. I just know how boys are and they talk to almost everyone they possibly can to feel whole when feeling empty. This is so sad that I think this way. I am so bitchy and messy I seam to never do anything right or correct or up to stAndards then everyone else. My belly is so disgusting, I have never felt so fat in my life. This guy is amazing, but I know I am not what he prefers. I have acne, I am hairy, and I don't have a perfect swimmers body. I feel so lost. Should I move out here or should I stay as lost and lonely in riverside. I have been moving around way to much. It is making me so depressed. I should have just went to Washington dc with my job. At least it would have been a job for me to carry on. I just wanna cry and cry and run away. But I can't. No money, no love, no home, no job, no perfect body, no perfect attitude. I see how everyone gets tired of me like yesterdays trash. So I look at myself like I am trash. I dunno who to talk to or who to run to. I don't use anyone but everyone says I do or thinks I do. I can tell the regret in your eyes. I wish I was dead. I wish I. Could just cast obliviate to my pictures to make myself disappear from everything I have ever done or anyone's thoughts. I need to die. I can't take it anymore. I have no family, no friends, Nd no love or life. Where does someone like me go, other then six feet under. Please god help me