July?!?!

Wow today is the 9th of july already. I have no idea how time always goes by so darn fast. So now life for me has changed so much and I am fed up with all my decions that I have made. I have been doing summer school for two classes. I ended up getting both D's :/ ugh. I know right. I didn't try that hard and I was on vacation for half the semester. I didn't try as hard because I told myself I wasn't good enough and that I didn't have the textbooks for both of them. Which I could have had if my school sent me the money for it. Well wow. Now I am happy. I just checked my school transcripts and I got two C's!! Fuck yes. I will take C's any day over a D! I have this problem with my life now. I want to move to Florida but I have built such a great foundation out here in Utah with Jared. If I leave him to go out to Florida I dunno if we would be together. Ya, it would last for a week or even up to a month. How I don't trust men would always get in the way of everything. So knowing that he may be already cheating on me I would just forget him and go and do the same even though he may not be doing it, I can't stop my heart from thinking what it thinks. To myself I belive I should just stay here and tuff it up and be a college student like everyone else has. I am still lost in this world and don't know what is going to happen to me. I think I am going to stay here with Jared. It kills me to even want to be away from someone who loves me and who I love back. It also scares me that I am in love and that it makes me want to run. I dunno why I always get like this. I wanna run but yet I wanna run back into there arms. I did this with Aaron and it never went well. I still love my Aaron babycakes but that is in the past. I should have learned from all of that and put that into my relationship now. I don't know what I am going to do. I just want air conditioner so that makes me want to run by it's self. lol. I need someone to tell me what to do. I wish I could text aaron and talk to him about me. He always knew how to help me out and do what I needed to do. For now I am lost