Where is life going?

My life has changed so much. It's going way to fast. I feel lost in all the problems I have. Utah was so perfect for me that I feel as if moving back to California has been nothing but problems. I moved in with my brother which doesn't live at the house. So I live with his wife and they are taking care of my Dad. He is the most laziest piece of shit anyone has ever seen. He doesn't want to do anything with his life and just give reasons to not do anything. They think I am drugs. Only because I actually do things with my life. I don't like to sit on a couch all day and watch tv for 16 hours a day. I would much rather be outdoors for 8 hours come home and watch a few shows and chill on the internet until bed. They think I do meth because I like to move around. Fuck I'm sorry I'm not lazy and smoke my life away. My Dad shouldn't even care because he hasn't supported me since I was 14. Hell we take care of his ass and he's not even handicap. I go to college and trying to do something with my life. They complain about everything I do. I bet they would like me if I sat on the couch with them wasting my life away. But that's not me. I have my desktop in my room upstairs and I go on it a lot. But they think I am sleeping all day. Fuck at least I am doing something kinda active (google search) lol. However active you would take that. Then I get threatened to be kicked out because I went out two days in a row. Saying that I am out partying when I was actually out cooking Christmas cookies with mu friends family. Was told I need to grow up. I can't have anyone over either. I don't see what's wrong with having someone come over and chill while I get ready or what not. I can have my boyfriend over. But we are pretty much over since I moved back to Cali and he's in Utah. I have been so stressed out and depressed. Which is leading me to have insomnia. Well I pass out before three am since three am scares me hella bad. The whole ghost thing at three am. And if I can't get to bed before 2:40 then I have to wait till four am. Which sometimes really suck. I have gained a lot of weight this past summer. So I am trying to lose weight now that I am back in Cali and possibly Single. I have lost like ten pounds. I weighed myself two months ago and it said 165 and I weight myself this morning and it said 155. I didn't eat yet and was naked. But I think the scale is broken because I weighed myself again after going poop and It said 157. Which is really funny because I should have lost, not gained. I can't fit into my clothes so it's not that I want to lose weight to look better because I love my checks being full instead of sinked in. The reason I "need" to is because I have no money to go out and buy new jeans. Which I bought six new pairs for winter that I can't even zip up let alone button up that still have tags on. I have been babling to get this crap off my chest. I just been feeling like crap and feeling like no one wants me around anymore. So I feel as if it would be best if I were just gone. I know I could never actually cause pain to myself so I just can't wait till it actually just happens by accident. Or by a heart attack. I have noticed that I can't breath so good so I hope I'd just fall asleep and never wake up. Would be the best way to go. Blah. Anyway... Since everyone thinks I do drugs I feel as if I should just go out and get fucked up. The problem is I would so rather drink a bottle of Bacardi then to actually smoke. If they had a way to smoke liquor, I would so be in. That would be my new choice of poison.  Sorry if you read this. Just needed to talk to someone and since I don't this is the best way to get it off my chest. Ps I still think of Aaron everyday