TCA peel 25% Day Two + Random

So today is my second going on third day after I did my TCA peel. And I have already started the peeling process. It is so hard not to peel it because I have nothing else to be doing but be picking at my face. It has given me a little bit of anxiety just to pick it and get it off my face but trying not to. I guess I am just anxious to be able to go outside again and hang out with people. I have plans tomorrow for a couple things to be doing so I am worried that I will be some zombie kid roaming around. I just hate that I have to actually tell people all about the process and what it is and how much it is and for why I am doing this to myself. In the pictures that I had taken you can't tell really how bad the peeling is because I have no natural light and its just taken off my HTC inspire cell phone. That and it is a snow storm today so it has been dark since around 1pm. LAME! lol. So I have been still putting the jojoba oil, almond oil and vitamin E on my face to help this peel be faster and get rid of everything. Today in the mail I got my 40% glycolic peel, which is making me anxious to use that after all of this has been done. So then I will be doing that and am pretty excited to get that going. I got a 30ml/1oz of it. So I will be doing that once a week every week until the bottle is gone. Then will be going back to a TCA peel then I was thinking of doing about 30ml/1oz of Lactic acid. While doing all of the glycolic acid peels I will also be doing a derma roller which hasn't came in yet so I am excited to get that going as well. I only got a .5mm derma roller so I figured I would try that then go bigger if I need to. Since of me doing all of this is to actually make myself look flawless I don't wanna fuck my skin up and look even worse. So back to the TCA peel. I have been drinking a lot of water. When I mean a lot I really mean like a gallon a day. Which helps make your body heel faster. Or help with acne. I dunno really. It's just good for ya. ok. ok. hehe. I also have been bleaching my teeth with Watts 35% carbamide peroxide. Which has made my teeth so much whiter already. I will do a before and after once I completed that process. I am unable to do a twice a day for it because my teeth and gums tend to hurt so I only do it once a night for thirty mins. I am a smoker so my teeth where a lil discolored but not like a yellow highlighter. lol. I am willing to do anything these days to get a perfect face/teeth/body. Which I tell myself I am going to actually do P90X again but last time I only did the first 30 days because I lost 20 pounds and was super skinny so I was like. Oh whatever I go what I wanted. So I might do another 30 days so I can get my summer body back and running for the beaches and swimming house parties.

Like I said you can barely tell that I am peeling but trust me. I did the peel on Monday at 3pm and I took this picture today Wednesday at 3pm. So it really only took me two days to begin peeling. Which for me this is exciting news. I know for next time I should probably start this after going out on Saturday and it should be cleared up by Tuesday night. Just thought this was uber cute since I am a Winnie the pooh lover. :D

TCA peel 25%

So yesterday I started my adventure on having amazing skin without all the darn acne scars. At first I thought it wasn't working but after two minutes I felt it. And oh boy did I really feel it.  I just can't wait to actually see my results after all this nasty peeling.

So this is me before I started my peel.

And this is what I would look like after a lil makeup. Which I don't use much but it does help out a lot. Thanks to The men pen













And then this is right after I did the peel. I did frost a little bit which you can't really tell on these pics because my phone made them smaller then they really are :/ But I did avoid letting it stay on to long since I read for about a week on all the reviews and all the youtube videos of people burning themselves. So I knew once I soll some white it was time to rinse off. Which people never told me that trying to get it off was the most painful thing ever. Water wasn't helping so made sure I had mixed some baking soda and water together in a cup before doing this incase it was extreme. So I threw that on my face and it burned 10x more for like 3 seconds then finally was calmed down. Which I guess if you don't numb your face before this then you just gotta deal with boiling water on your face. lol. I also applied the peel to my Tattoo and my scar on my arm from when I cut myself back when I was 14 which was nearly ten years ago. Which I didn't leave on so long because it was actually hurting more then getting the tattoo. So I had only left it on for like a minute. I don't notice any skin tightening at all so I don't know if it worked.Now these pictures are a day after. Which I have noticed my face is getting really tight and red. I have broke out from the process a little bit. But the TCA actually just pushed out all the other impurities. So I am kinda pleased on that behalf. Which I am not sure if it is actually 24hrs after but you can still see the difference in my skin from yesterday to today. I also applied jojoba oil to my face to keep it hydrated and almond oil with vitamin E which comes in a nice little chap-stick that I applied to my face. Which has helped with my face a lot. It soothes while moisturizing my skin. Feels amazing. I am still skeptical about putting chap-stick on my face but who cares. I just literally burned my face off. So I don't think anything is worse then that. lol. I am bright red but you could only tell when I didn't use flash since I was to lazy to get out of bed to take the pics and open the window for natural lighting. I will keep this updated daily until I have completed this TCA peel. Then I will be doing another peel of TCA since the 1 Dram has two applications. Which in the not so distant future I will actually have to buy a bigger size which I am thinking 1oz/30ml so that I can have many more peels ahead of me. I really just want to get rid of the tattoo so it may take up to ten applications. Some people have gotten it off in 6 but I don't mind reapplying every other week so that when I take my clothes off that I don't think of my ex. So this will be a great thing for me. I am super excited :D

Yes, It's been awhile

I am in a new town and new state. I have moved out of california to be with Jared. Everything out here was going amazing. I don't know what I did wrong and why everyone hates me. I hate what I have become. I am worthless and have no one except Jared. I don't do anything with my life and am unable to actually do anything. I wish for the best in so much for everyone but I am still unable to make do with what I have. I upset everyone around me. I just wish I had someone holding me. I need a life. Why am I never able to find it. I was a super happy person once. But I tend to always fuck it up. Life is never greener on the other side but yet I still fuck it up. When things go wrong and since I am so insecure. I feel as if I just have to go and run away or fuck other people. I don't understand this anymore. Why am I such a loser. Is myself being gay fucked up my life and if I just go to being straight that everything will just fall into place. I gained weight. I am 150 now. I am not that skinny lil thang anymore. I wish I had a ring on, I was wearing this CTR ring that always gave me the company I needed. It let me know that something or someone was out there watching me and that I should always be doing the right thing. Will that ever be good enough. I seam like I tend to depreas myself over Aaron still. I was in the suicide ward the other day. I took a couple pills and my bf at the moment went crazy. Now I have this outrageous bill that I will never be able to pay and I don't understand what I am going to do either. I need to be happy. I deserve to be happy and have what I want. Life in United States revolves around money. I wish I had it. I think everyone does. But when you're me to where if I had any job I would just keep it and make the best of it. I think this is the only thing standing in my way. I need a job to feel important. I don't have drugs anymore and alcohole isn't something I can be drinking 24/7. I need help. But yet to find help you have to have money. Everything is money money money. What to do. I wish they knew how to erase memories. I would erase everything and start out new. I need to learn to listen to Jared and understand that he is here for me and that is all I need.


Ps. I really hate bad Dreams