Well. Things didn't work out. I was just used as a filler for him. I went to fast I guess. Being super vulnerable is my problem. I pushed him to hard and way to fast that I scared the fuck out of him. So Romeo will always just be a dream. I don't understand really what I did wrong. I feel like I was just to ugly for him. I don't have much to offer but my heart and a smile. Guys want someone who is already stable and has everything in life. I wasn't handed the golden egg growing up so I'm trying to do the best I can. My 21st bday is in the next month. I will enlist in the navy cause I know I can make a life in the service. It may be hard and difficult but I know this is my only option now. I don't want to have to work a job where I'm going nowhere in life. I just want to be happy. I just want to be able to have my own place and car and a nice job. I wish I had my family to lean on but that is absent too. I am such a pitty and a nut case. My future only means for me to be lonely. I can't handle gay men anymore. I should just get a wife from a different country and have kids. She would be loyal to me and bear children for me. Sounds like a great idea. Maybe. I just want to be deployed out and never see life again. I want to scrape the barnickles off the ship with a bunch of sexy navy men. I can't wait to enlist and get out into the world.
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