Tampa, Florida

So i am here again in Tampa and I am still wanting to get the Fuck out. Now I am the one looked upon like I am just the bitch. Wtf have I ever done that was this horrible. I just want to go back home so bad. But I did have fun. I don't understand why I don't get along with guys my age. I just wish I knew. But it never works. NO idea wtf is up their ass. Obviously not me so why be a bitch. Do i threaten all of the hos. Or what In the world have I ever done wrong to anyone except when I get so fucked up that I do say some stupid shit. But still Should not be that rude. I just want to find my life partner and this is all I am trying to do. That will never work because my life partner is already gone. The funny thing about last night is that I don't remember anyone's names. Is this really that bad? I wish I remember names cause I met some really amazing poeple. Sounds really shitty. Lol changing my story really fast. KInda really still drunk and hella burnt but this is me. And i have no one to talk to. So it is really hard to really want to understand how I feel. I feel like a old man trapped in a twink body. Hella ridiculous. I just want to go back to school. Understand life and have a real life. As of right now I think the only way for me to actually have a life is to enlist into some sort of service. I am actually up for it. But now what I did last night I have to wait extra longer. So KInda mad about that. I wish I could have said no more then just the 4 times but all the time. I took two. Why in the world am I that dumb. I didn't eat food at all yesterday. LOL!! I just drank away all day. This is so stupid of me I know. I just wish things where different. I booked my flight today to get the fuck out of Florida. I can't wait to gfet the fuck out of here. So I am flying out the 15th and I am flying out of Orlando and will be arriving in santa ana (orange county airport) I am glad and sad at the same time. Because not just am I going to be leaving this place but I am leaving an amazing place not just that. But I fell in Love in Tampa. With some fucking ass that I know I will never see again. I wish things where different. But I know I was just a fuck instead of actual love. He is a ho and I need to understand this. NO one my age actually wants to have a husband like I do. Except old men. Old men are nice and cute. yes. But are not boyfriend material. Well at least longer then a week or two. I do understand this. I love older men. But it will always just be lust for me and they don't understand this and think I just like them for their money. MONEY!! Of course it is nice but doesn't make you cute.